Having laid bare the fact I am completely nutty, I want to move more to the place that got me where I am today. I think in my last "history lesson" I left off at the beginning of my first treatment experience. With that, I want to expose some more of the journey to today.
As I said in the first post, I was first prescribed the drug Paxil in the fall of 2005. To be technically correct it was Paxil CR at 12.5 mg a day. After a month or so it was bumped up to 25 mg a day where things stayed for a pretty good while.
That first experience was a wild ride. The first two weeks were vicious. The second day of taking the drug I had the worst panic attack of my life. The fourth day I had a panic attack so bad Shelly called the paramedics and they rushed me to the hospital, pumping me with a nitroglycerin inhaler, thinking I was having some sort of cardiac event. Turns out, as I said, that it was another panic attack and I also had bronchitis. Antibiotics, Lortab, keep taking Paxil- golden. I continued to have more mild panic attacks and general anxiety until, after a couple of weeks, the panic attacks virtually vanished.
The entire condition was diagnosed and treated by my regular internist. I asked him if I needed any sort of counseling- psychologist, psychiatrist, stress counseling, anything. He told me it was a purely biological condition and as long as Paxil turned up to be the right drug we were golden. Since after a few weeks I had basically forgotten I ever had panic attacks I felt like he was right.
I must admit, in hindsight, that all wasn't completely well. It took months to get the general anxiety under control- if it ever completely did. Since I really didn't know what Generalized Anxiety Disorder was and its effects, and I wasn't having the awful panic, I was happy to say I was fixed. Nonetheless, after a time I realized my thoughts were pretty well under control and I could enjoy things I had never been able to attempt before.
In late winter 2009 I had surgery which caused me to go off of Paxil for three days. This was my first experience with Paxil withdrawal. Thankfully I was in the hospital receiving aftercare from the surgery and I was so doped with pain medication I really had no clue what I was going through. I do know this- I was so tied up with anxiety my nurse sat in the room with me for nearly two hours while Shelly went home and took a bath and did other business. I was literally scared to be alone. I have no idea what I was afraid of, but I was certainly afraid.
When they allowed me to return to taking my medication post-operatively, they moved me to the immediate release version of Paxil at 20mg a day. After two or three days I was right back to good again.
I chugged along with things for another year-and-a-half. I felt great. All of my panic was gone, my anxieties were at a normal level, and I was really progressing in my career. Things were going perfectly and I though I was fine. My Paxil prescription ran out and I took myself off of the drug. I must highly recommend against this to anyone who may be thinking of it.
About two weeks of dysphoria, wild dreams and nightmares, suicidal ideations, and a little something folks refer to as brain zaps- all very unpleasant things. That was true, hardcore, Paxil withdrawal. It was no fun, but I had read up on all of it and was ready. I did it and made it through with flying colors. I was on my on and feeling fine.
For about three months everything was great. I dealt with a lot during that time and I didn't need any help doing it. I knew I was fine. What did I know?
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