The last few days have been a whirlwind. I've had enough going on to keep a few folks busy and only made it home in time to put the boys to bed one of the last four nights. Needless to say I'm ready for a little rest, and I'm pretty sure Shelly could stand a little relief on the home front.
Funny thing is I have been busy doing things I really love. When I was younger I dreamed of what I would do when I was a grown up and I am finally beginning to see the dream God gave me coming true. It's not exactly what I pictured it would be, yet it is exactly what I knew it would be. I don't think I have ever felt as comfortable in my own skin as I have these last several days.
Even though I knew the dream God gave me, I think if I saw it as it really were to be I probably would have run away. I doubt seeing things as they should be would have caused me to pursue making things as they should be. It was blindness that frustrated me and blindness that kept me pushing.
Interestingly, I have also seen physical blindness cause healing in the last few days as well. My dad had been experiencing spots in his field of vision and temporary blackness in one eye. He visited his eye doctor who immediately referred him for an ultrasound of his neck. A major blockage was found in one carotid artery and he was operated on successfully yesterday. If not for blindness he would likely have had a major stroke, affecting the rest of his life or even killing him.
So I get annoyed when I know what should be in front of me but I can't see it. I hate it when I know where I should be going but can't see how to get there. The message today, though, is loud and clear. Most of the time I'm better off not seeing- if I could see everything there would be no need to keep moving.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
A Story About Hats
Over the weekend I started working on a new song. The lyric I am working this around is "when I could smile." The idea wasn't necessarily born out of my experience, nor is it any specific story, it's more impressionistic. Since it's meant for the listener to interpret I'll leave the rest of my thoughts out and let you hear it when it's done.
Thinking about the line I was working with sent me down another path. I thought how much easier it is to deal with people when everything is going right. When you talk to someone without any problems it's easy, no awkward moments, no uncomfortable topics, it's just nice. It's so tempting, then, to always be the person for which life's great. That approach makes sure everyone you encounter is friendly.
As much as I talk about helping, caring, and reaching out to folks who are hurting reality is I don't do it. Helping is messy. Helping means getting dirty and, frankly, getting our emotions dirty is less attractive than getting our hands dirty.
A couple of weeks ago my wife and I were in Manhattan strolling through SoHo toward the Bowery. There was an awful sound and, when we turned to look, we were horrified to see a man rolling off of a car hood and his bicycle crumpled off to the side. A man who was nearby rushed to help. Others gathered watching the incident unfold. My reaction? I hesitated once, then again, and when the police arrived, I excused myself. I rationalized it internally, I was across Bowery from it, NYPD got to him before I could, I was unneeded and would have just gotten in the way.
We crossed Bowery, walked past the scene, and down into the subway station. To make myself feel better about my fat, happy, cheesecake-stuffed self, I shared with my wife the rationalization I was playing in my mind. At that point she said, "I hope someone grabbed his hat out of the street."
That man's hat has played through my mind ever since. I was so clueless making excuses for why I would just be in the way I didn't notice something so simple. I didn't want to get my hands dirty, yet I could've helped so much without getting my hands dirty. If I had bothered to look at anything but myself I could have grabbed that man's hat for him.
A hat may not seem significant, it may not have been significant to him. On the other hand, when I think of times when I don't feel well physically, emotionally, or mentally; as thankful as I am for the big things, the dirty hands, I always remember details that should seem insignificant.
So what does it all mean? I'm preaching to myself again, but just being willing to get dirty is all it takes. Looking for all of the ways not to enter a situation leaves behind a world of dirt in the form of regret. Just being willing to get dirty often leaves us to not getting dirty and significantly enriching life through insignificant means.
Look for opportunities to pick up the hat. Moreover, don't be afraid to let someone else see you when you've dropped your own hat.
Thinking about the line I was working with sent me down another path. I thought how much easier it is to deal with people when everything is going right. When you talk to someone without any problems it's easy, no awkward moments, no uncomfortable topics, it's just nice. It's so tempting, then, to always be the person for which life's great. That approach makes sure everyone you encounter is friendly.
As much as I talk about helping, caring, and reaching out to folks who are hurting reality is I don't do it. Helping is messy. Helping means getting dirty and, frankly, getting our emotions dirty is less attractive than getting our hands dirty.
A couple of weeks ago my wife and I were in Manhattan strolling through SoHo toward the Bowery. There was an awful sound and, when we turned to look, we were horrified to see a man rolling off of a car hood and his bicycle crumpled off to the side. A man who was nearby rushed to help. Others gathered watching the incident unfold. My reaction? I hesitated once, then again, and when the police arrived, I excused myself. I rationalized it internally, I was across Bowery from it, NYPD got to him before I could, I was unneeded and would have just gotten in the way.
We crossed Bowery, walked past the scene, and down into the subway station. To make myself feel better about my fat, happy, cheesecake-stuffed self, I shared with my wife the rationalization I was playing in my mind. At that point she said, "I hope someone grabbed his hat out of the street."
That man's hat has played through my mind ever since. I was so clueless making excuses for why I would just be in the way I didn't notice something so simple. I didn't want to get my hands dirty, yet I could've helped so much without getting my hands dirty. If I had bothered to look at anything but myself I could have grabbed that man's hat for him.
A hat may not seem significant, it may not have been significant to him. On the other hand, when I think of times when I don't feel well physically, emotionally, or mentally; as thankful as I am for the big things, the dirty hands, I always remember details that should seem insignificant.
So what does it all mean? I'm preaching to myself again, but just being willing to get dirty is all it takes. Looking for all of the ways not to enter a situation leaves behind a world of dirt in the form of regret. Just being willing to get dirty often leaves us to not getting dirty and significantly enriching life through insignificant means.
Look for opportunities to pick up the hat. Moreover, don't be afraid to let someone else see you when you've dropped your own hat.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
"I'll make myself vulnerable if it saves someone's life..."
The title quote is from Brandon Marshall, a two-time Pro Bowl wide receiver. Brandon Marshall has been in trouble ever since I first heard of him, back in his college days at UCF. Not too long ago he was stabbed by his wife. His wife then violated an order-of-protection while he was in Boston. Because the last violation revealed he was in Boston, not his home in Miami, and because he has had plenty of trouble with the law, he chose to reveal he was receiving treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder.
I admire this guy. I don't admire his legal problems, and submit to you we can't blame trouble we get ourselves into on disorders. However I didn't hear that from him, I heard someone owning his condition and saying I screwed up, I'm getting help. Not only is he getting help he is committing to help others with the same condition.
It would be a lie to say I'm not patting myself on the back to some degree when I say it takes tons of guts to do what he's doing. When I started blogging it was easy. I doubted anyone was really reading it, so it was for me. Sure, I gave admonitions and the like, but it was still for me. The first time my story publicly, at a time where I knew it was seen and heard, it was pure agony. It's much easier to walk away and pretend like everything is fine.
So huge kudos to Brandon Marshall. The first time is the hardest. I wish you well and ask anyone close to a person who has a condition, but is now stable, to share their story. Brandon's right, it is worth doing if it saves someone's life.
I admire this guy. I don't admire his legal problems, and submit to you we can't blame trouble we get ourselves into on disorders. However I didn't hear that from him, I heard someone owning his condition and saying I screwed up, I'm getting help. Not only is he getting help he is committing to help others with the same condition.
It would be a lie to say I'm not patting myself on the back to some degree when I say it takes tons of guts to do what he's doing. When I started blogging it was easy. I doubted anyone was really reading it, so it was for me. Sure, I gave admonitions and the like, but it was still for me. The first time my story publicly, at a time where I knew it was seen and heard, it was pure agony. It's much easier to walk away and pretend like everything is fine.
So huge kudos to Brandon Marshall. The first time is the hardest. I wish you well and ask anyone close to a person who has a condition, but is now stable, to share their story. Brandon's right, it is worth doing if it saves someone's life.
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