Fresh Outlook

Well, I said earlier in the week that Wednesday was the big day and it was. I was correct that an adjustment was needed, just not correct in stating my other medication had "pooped-out". It appears, from talking through everything, the medication is working as intended and as best it can in the circumstances. Problem is that my condition is slightly more than the medication can handle.

I think I've stated it before, but we've finally determined I'm mildly bi-polar- specifically a mild bi-polar 2. Since my most intense symptoms have been panic, anxiety, and depression, those are the "diseases" we have had to sort through to get to the bottom of things. First it was having panic attacks (at the time I didn't know that's what they were called) and getting those under control, then it was a lingering anxiety that would cycle into depression and back around again. Of course last year it all cycled out of control, and that's when the process of really getting to the bottom of things started.

Even though we knew it was more than depression, we found an anti-depressant that worked for me. Taking that, along with a milder mood stabilizer as needed, had been working. Since everything was working well we stuck with it. Of course lately the depression has been getting darker, even with a pretty high dose of anti-depressant, and the swings getting more intense. I knew for some time something needed to be done, I just hate medication changes so I delayed until I had no other choice.

Wednesday I got put on my first real bi-polar medication. So far I have no huge complaints. The nice thing is it's not a change; I take it in addition to my anti-depressant so I don't have to do the whole withdrawal bit. Typically I am the lucky one that gets all of the side-effects in a single onslaught as soon as I start something new. This time I haven't had any rush of side-effects and am pleased. Five days in and I am seeing a huge difference without any extra craziness.

The long and short of the follow-up, I guess, is hanging with it pays off. I hate doing the med shuffle, but it does work. A year ago today, literally, I was unable to function. Ups and downs, a hospital stay, many counseling sessions, lots of prayer, not sure how many doctor visits, and five medications later, I'm not only rounding a corner but seeing a real light on the horizon.