Confessions of a (not quite) recovering perfectionist

There's a common thread amongst artists- most tend toward being perfectionists. I'm sure there are tons of reasons why satisfaction is so hard to come by for artists, I know a few; but no matter what the reason it is something we live with. Medium notwithstanding, there is no such thing as good enough.

I can't speak for others, but as a musician I can give you one of the big reasons I'm a perfectionist- music itself. In its written form music is perfect. The author conceived it and put it on paper just the way they desired it. Whether I or someone else composed it, the music on the paper in front of me is perfect. No matter how hard we try, though, as performers we cannot play a piece just as it is written. There are so many intangibles, so many things a composer would never expect you to translate the way you have on your instrument. The drive to meet the compositions ideal by your performance is the musician's poison.

A few months ago I was exploring some of my symptomatic triggers with my therapist. One line of his questioning led me to admit I get anxious after I make a decision on "perform" or depressed when I know a decision or "performance" was imperfect. He counseled me toward accepting my actions as "good enough". I'm not going to pretend like that worked- I immediately responded with "No!" We wrapped that up and moved on to something else.

I guess, though, psychologists know what they are doing. I started thinking about it after the session. I have continued to think about it, as is evidenced by this writing. I'll not say I have been able to accept everything I do that is good enough as good enough, not even close, but I have been able to accept a few things. I'll keep working on it and maybe one day I'll get there.

I've said it before, and I know it seems really cliche, but sometimes cliche is the only thing that fits. It works for addicts, and it works for a self-defeatist and perfectionist like me- "Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."