I Want to Sleep

One thing I remember from my early days dealing with panic and depression was the odd sleep pattern. Sometimes I just didn't sleep, sometimes I couldn't sleep enough. It was frustrating at best, especially when I was in college and fighting to make early morning classes when I was only finally able to sleep at four or five AM- and it had nothing to do with staying out too late partying.

Even prior to treatment I had a period when that went away. I could sleep, mostly fine, most nights without any issues. Just before my first shot at treatment I was having some issues of, mainly from panic attacks in the night, of interrupted sleep but it was not too awful. At that time I didn't have too many issues of sleeping all the time.

In late 2010, when things got really bad, all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn't find that too frustrating, well except the whole idea of being a productive member of society, but I knew it wasn't right either. The other part of that, especially when everyone close to you can see in your eyes just how much you're hurting, is I still wonder just how often my wife was checking to make sure I was still breathing. The sleeping too much was probably harder on everyone else than me.

Today I am in this season of not sleeping. Thankfully I am not too tired to function, but I am literally sleeping three or four hours a night. This is every night.

It doesn't matter when I go to bed either. I can go to bed at 8:30 or 9 and be awake at 12:30. I can go to bed at midnight and be up at 3. It isn't making me too tired to function, it isn't even fogging up my thoughts, but it is frustrating. I'm fairly big on doing things when I am awake but it is awfully hard to do anything at 2 in the morning without bugging your whole family. Its something that leaves me sitting around bored for hours a day.

I guess all this was was a gripe session. I don't mean for it to be that, but sometimes that's what you need and all you can do. I would welcome any ideas on how other folks with bipolar sleep. When you just can't sleep do you role with it? Or is there something I might try to sleep more. I'd sure love to try something.